If Only an Instant
by Cleolette
Summary: Heero and Relena meet at a park and try to avoid discussing an event that has changed their lives


If Only an Instant  
By Cleolette  
  
Rating: PG for mild language  
  
****  
  
Relena stretched her arms behind her as her 6 year old son Heath ran around the playground  
playing tag with his friends. "Heath, stay in sight!" she hollered  
  
"Yes, mama!" he mumbled as their game wandered close to her.  
  
The pout on his face was adorable as his scuffed jeans and t-shirt. "Go play." she  
whispered, knowing he did not enjoy being told to obey when his friends were around. His  
white-blond Peacecraft hair fell into his clear blue Peacecraft eyes. 'At least someone  
looks like they belong to the family' Relena thought silently, thinking of Milliardo and  
Lucretia's child, which looked almost nothing like a Peacecraft, far more like a Noin. She  
glanced nervously around. "Where the hell is he?" she muttered under her breath.  
  
As if on cue, Heero Yuy appeared next to her, ploping down breathlessly on the grass.   
"Hey."  
  
"Hey there," Relena grinned, "What took ya so long? Heath's clothes are getting dirtier by  
the minute."  
  
Heero shrugged and pulled Relena into a sweaty hug, "The shuttle had an engine problem, I  
ran the whole way here."  
  
Relena struggled out of Heero's grasp, "You're going to make me stink!"  
  
"You know, if you hadn't passed that bill to keep subsidising those lazy bastards, there  
might be some good service to be had." Heero poked the ground to make his point.  
  
"Just because you don't care about thousands of jobs doesn't mean I don't too, callous  
Libertarian."  
  
Heero smirked, "My being a Libertarian doesn't make your Communist policies any better."  
  
Relena stuck her tongue out at him. She was about to counter him when she was struck by awe  
at the situation she found herself in. At once, she remembered 10 years ago when the only  
way this man would pay her any attention would be to make threats upon her life.  
  
Relena slowly drew her tongue back in, "You know, things have changed. You have changed."  
  
"Have I?" Heero asked, absently staring in the distance towards the group of children   
playing tag.  
  
"Yeah...I can actually stand being around you." Relena giggled, but she grew serious again.  
"I'm sorry." she said.  
  
"About what?" Heero asked with mock ignorance that betrayed a silent annoyance.  
  
"Heath...I wish it were different." Relena sighed into her hand.  
  
"Relena, what we did has to stay there. We can't drag it up all the time. You can't blame  
yourself your whole life, and I sure as hell can't think about it my whole life." Heero  
grunted and shifted his gaze to the swing set.  
  
"I don't want to bring it up over and over again, Heero." Relena's voice dropped to a  
whisper, "I just wish it were different."  
  
Heero swung his head to face Relena. "Are you happy?"  
  
"What?" Relena stared back at Heero incredulously.  
  
Heero sighed, "I think I spoke English, but I can try Sanq, Russian, Japanese, or any of  
5 other languages I know. Are you happy?"  
  
Relena sighed again, "Sometimes I don't know. But...sometimes I do know. Sometimes I look  
at myself, my life, and know that I am perfectly happy and nothing could make things   
better. I will admit, there are times when I have no clue if I'm really happy, or just  
assuming that I am because I don't know any better." Relena's voice continued to rise, "I  
guess you might not always call me completely and utterly joyous, but I cannot say I've   
felt unhappy!"  
  
Heero nodded, "You are." He reassured, "I would not have asked had you not looked so peeved  
when I sat down."  
  
"Oh, that..." Relena look at the sky, "It's just...My child is only 6 years old, and he's  
already trying to be independent. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until they were  
teenagers."  
  
Heero nodded, remaining silent as he sensed Relena had something else to say. "And it's   
Kyle. It's his birthday today, and I still haven't gotten him anything."  
  
Heero shrugged, trying to make Relena feel at ease about bringing up her husband, since he  
knew it bothered her more than he. "He'll be thrilled with whatever you get him." He   
reassured.  
  
Heero found himself fall for an instant into that realm of "what ifs". What if Relena   
hadn't married Kyle? What if it was himself who warmed the other side of her bed every  
night? What if...Heero then realized that Relena was talking.  
  
"...sometimes I'll find myself staring at him in the middle of the night feeling so   
incredibly guilty. I find myself thinking that some day he will find out, and Heath will  
lose his father, and I will lose him. I don't want to lose him, Heero."  
  
Heero ran his fingers through Relena's hair, "Kyle loves you."  
  
"But would he still?" Relena's eyes glistened and welled with tears. "I wish I could change  
it. I wish I had never hurt you like that. When was it ever my right to hurt you like that?  
Damnit." Relena cursed the tears the fell from her eyes.  
  
"Relena look at me." Heero lifted her chin to face him, "LOOK at me. It wasn't you're fault  
anymore than mine. On my part it was obsession, on your part, having a fairy tale come   
crashing down in the subtle boredom of domestic living. Listen, You did not hurt me. I was  
a willing participant in our mutual downfall."  
  
Relena giggled slightly, "You always talk so funny. 'willing participant in our mutual  
downfall.'" her giggles fell into a bitter laugh, "I would have to say it was mutual   
obsession that brought our mutual downfall. But I guess as far as the world is concerned,  
that never happened."  
  
"The world can concern itself with better service in commercial shuttlecraft."  
  
Relena laughed and the fell into a comfortable silence. Heath continued to run around the  
field, smacking his friends and being smacked in return in the barbaric game he called  
"tag".  
  
Finally, Relena ventured to speak, "Heero?"  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"Are you happy?" she asked.  
  
Heero looked at Relena. "Well...I can't say I wake up every morning glad to see it."  
  
Relena frowned. "Have you been on any dates lately?"  
  
"Relena, girls don't make a man happy any more that liquor or self-pity. I've tried all  
three." Heero averted his glance from what he believed might be the only thing ever truly  
meant to make him happy.  
  
Relena looked at her hands, "I'm not saying girls, Heero, I'm saying love. I don't want you  
to come upon some girl some day who you adore and be to scared to act on in. I don't want   
you to find a girl completely enamoured with you and throw that kind of thing away. I just   
want you to remember that it's easier to live in this world with someone to share the  
burden, that's all."  
  
Heero nodded, detecting the bittersweet reminders in her tone and words. 'Why is she so   
damn lovely and perceptive.'  
  
Heath panted as he jogged up to see them, "Uncle Heero!" he cried and flung himself into  
the man's arms. Heero embraced the boy in return.   
  
Relena's heart warmed as she watched this scene before her eyes. Here was a child that   
brought light to Heero's darkness. She only wished she could always share Heath with him.  
She knew he deserved it.  
  
Relena knew it was a dangerous course, but she allowed herself to depart from reality, if  
only for an instant. She closed her eyes and imagined herself completely in love with   
Heero, and he the same with her. She imagined them raising Heath together, teaching him  
all the things they had learned. She smiled, teaching him their mostly opposing political   
viewpoints. She imagined herself once again living out that night when Heero had loved her  
passionately and desperately.  
  
"Mommy!" Heath pulled on her arm.  
  
"Hmm?" Relena slowly came back to the world and opened her eyes.  
  
"Uncle Heero's gonna take me to the safari! All the way in Africa! I can go, right? You'll   
give daddy his present for me, right?"  
  
Relena glanced up at Heero, "I think daddy already got his present."  
  
Heero smiled sadly.  
  
Heath just looked at his mother again, "CAN I GO??"  
  
"Heath! What have I told you about yelling?"  
  
"Don't yell at mommy when I want something," Heath mumbled.  
  
"Right. Now remember it. Your bag is packed in the car. See you in a few days sweetie."  
She kissed Heath on the forehead and patted him towards the car. "You take good care of   
him."  
  
Heero nodded solemnly, "See ya later." He muttered, before turning to leave. It was then   
that Relena first noticed that Heath had his father's nose.  
  
****  
  
Kyle Baker slipped his arm around his wife's shoulder as they sat on the couch watching TV.  
"Thank you for the watch, it's lovely dear." He kissed her cheek.  
  
Relena forced a smile, and obviously did a very good job, as her usually perceptive husband  
noticed nothing. "You're welcome."  
  
"Hey..." he whispered in her ear, "Heath is out of town...so what you say..."  
  
Relena leaned against her husband. In her mind, she was still thinking about Heero. Her   
thoughts were settled on earlier that day...on six years ago. She mentally shook herself.  
There was no place for such things now. She repeated the mantra in her head, 'I Am Happy."  
  
She repeated it until she convinced herself of its truth.  
  
****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Ok, just so you get it, Heath is Heero and Relena's kid. Relena had an affair while  
married to Kyle. Kyle has always assumed it was his.   
  
BTW, this is kinda rough and just hastily typed out. I will probably edit it at some later  
date, but please review and give me your main complaints so I may address them in the   
revision.  
  
-Cleolette 


End file.
